If you haven’t realized how sex is important to any committed relationships, then you better wake up from you PG 13 daydream and smell the musky scent of desire.   Sex can make or break a relationship and this is not just a boy thing but also a girl thing.

We sometimes associate that the number of times you do it in a week is the sign of a healthy sex life.  We often compare ourselves with our friends or with TV shows/movies which creates stress and discontentment.  My friend Ira one time mentioned to me that his Doctor told him that 3x a week is the lucky number; too little or too much is hazardous to our man’s pancreatic health.  Whether it is true or not, lets reserve that for another post.

Dr. Laura Berman of Everyday Health however says that the number of times is not important.  ”When it comes to sexual frequency, it doesn’t matter what is going on in other people’s bedrooms. It only matters that you and your partner each feel as though you are committed to satisfying one another’s desires.”

Supporting this is a study from  the University of Toronto that claims that “the key to sexual fulfillment lies not in a magic number, but in what researchers call “sexual communal strength.” Sexual communal strength occurs when couples prioritize one another’s sexual needs, even when it might at times conflict with their own energy level or desire. The researchers found that when people are motivated to meet their partner’s sexual needs, their own libido responds positively as a result. And, those partners are likely to have their sexual needs met in the end as well.”

She said to “think of it as teamwork in the bedroom. Instead of working to get your own needs met and thinking exclusively of your own desires and feelings, you consider your partner’s side of things as well as what is good for the “team” as a whole (i.e. your relationship). The benefits of doing so are two-fold. Not only does it ensure that your partner is satisfied and connected to you, but it also makes you feel desirable and attractive. It keeps in touch with your sexual side and it helps to maintain everything from healthy circulation to sexual response to fantasies.”

But she also disclaims that this should not be the reason for you to engage in sexual acts  when you don’t feel like it  or it makes you uncomfortable.  You should however adapt a different kind of mindset where your should stop thinking  about “What can I get out of this?” or “Do I really want to have sex right now?” Instead you should think like“What can I give my partner? How important is sex to him right now?”  She Claims that “you could end up discovering that you are in the mood if you stay in the moment instead of casting sex off the table right away. I call this the just do it mentality, meaning that if you let your body and your mind stay open to the idea of sex, you will often find that you have much more sexual energy and desire than you actually realized.”

So Chicdrivers are you ready to take on for the team??